#I’m just going to have a mental breakdown over my art in the tags because I don’t want to redo these but also looking at them makes me

[72stars]

“Burning Bright” costume/character rough (very rough) design ideas for Sunfire & Wolverine, because I didn’t have much in the way of ideas for them (outside of “okay but it’d be fun if Wolverine showed a lot of skin? and okay I guess here’s some less tits-out ideas” and “I’m just… not going with an imperial flag motif for Sunfire this version has been with the X-Men since he was a teenager it doesn’t make sense for him anyway”) and decided to get their roughs out of the way first (next up for roughs: Rogue & Storm)

[firebird-inkheart]

Interesting to come back here after a nice break focusing on other things just to find people scrambling to glue back together what was essentially a burning house of straw that is this “community”. When I first joined a few years back then yeah, sure, I could consider this little corner of the internet a community. But eventually “community” dwindled down to “I can only trust this handful of people to not prematurely judge and shoot me in the back”.

Initially, I started out hopeful, wanting to share my art, interact with new people. But I’ve experienced several mental breakdowns and manic episodes over the course of the last 3/4 years thanks to this “community” alone. Watching judgey “rules” build up, followed by even more predictable demanding behavior to uphold some sort of paragon of non-existent virtue, and eventually reaching a pinnacle of lies, slander, and witch hunts before we all wind down and wait for the cycle to start up again. I can barely even bring myself to tag things in the self ship tags anymore because of how willing people are to go for blood via misunderstandings or even just a straight up refusal to consider the other person’s side.

That kind of cycle leaves me feeling like I’m walking on eggshells, makes me unreasonably paranoid, even though I know I’m not doing anything wrong, for something that’s supposed to be considered a “safe space”. And do you know what all of this reminds me of? It reminds me of having to watch what I said so I didn’t accidentally set my dad off into an accusation filled rage. Chew on that for a minute: This “community” has gotten so bad that it has, time and again, reminded me of my own father’s cycles of domestic abuse.

Like, genuinely, what in the actual fuck?

And this isn’t even getting into how much this “community” preaches about give and take, but only by and large demonstrates― No, demands ― the Take aspect of things. That leads into a larger problem surrounding the demand of instant consumption that’s been plaguing the internet for the last decade, but the base line of this problem is that this “community” gets so nasty demanding that people pay attention to their things, yet don’t reciprocate by giving attention back to others. I’m not really much of a saint either; there’ve been plenty of times where I’ve gotten upset at how things I’ve worked hard on would barely even break ten notes, especially when I did properly tag them. It’s hard to look at popular blogs get tons of attention when you get nothing, I get it, really. But with the way everything gets handled around here, it just feeds back into that horrible cycle.

It’s exhausting, being in this “community” most of the time. The things that are supposed to make me happy and bring me comfort don’t bring those sorts of “rewards” to me anymore unless I keep them within a small circle. Which sucks because I do want to share with a larger audience. I do want to get people excited for my things and to hype them up for theirs in turn.

Just not in this hostile environment.

And while it’s admirable that people want to better this “community”, it’s just another cog in the damning cycle because nothing ever actually gets done. It’s always just talk before we wind up to the big pitch that is infighting and self righteous judgement and witch hunts. Over. And over. And over again.

I always say that the “dead from the beginning” is one of my favorite tropes, never really thought I’d be experiencing the irony of living it with this “community”.

The straw house is already burned down, there is no building it back up again.

[kimchokejin]

music tag games 🎶

doing another round up because i fell way behind on tag games due to my mental breakdown 🙃 thank you for tagging me!!! sorry for the long post feel free to just...not look at it

game #1: artist bingo

tagged by @lesovoj​​ 💘

rules: look at the bingo card of the person who tagged you, highlight the artists you have in common and then create your own

did not expect tongue out to be one of the default paint 3d stickers but it worked out!

i picked these from my top artists on lastfm for the past year but i took out bts and any artists that have been...disappointing me lately...

for anyone who wants to play!

game #2: first listens/watches

tagged by @summerwave​​ 💝

rules: list your favorite albums that you first listened to and your favorite shows/movies you first watched in 2022

albums

i did the grid this time!

Dawn FM by The Weeknd

Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers by Kendrick Lamar

blue water road by Kehlani

Juno (Deluxe) by Remi Wolf

Rachel@Fairyland by Rae Morris

Live by Joywave

Somewhere City by Origami Angel

Nymph by Shygirl

Tracy Chapman by Tracy Chapman

watches

not doing a grid for this one idk how to do that for tv/movie posters lol

Because This Is My First Life (2017) - Netflix

Heartstopper (2022) - Netflix

Our Flag Means Death (2022) - HBO Max

Encanto (2021) - Disney+

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) - Paramount+?

Fire Island (2022) - Hulu

Fight Club (1999)

What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim? (2018)* - Hulu

Sort Of (2021)* - HBO Max

*haven’t finished but i like it so far!

i don’t watch a lot of things so don’t take any of these recs too seriously haha

game #3: receiptify

tagged by @summerwave​ 💝

rules: just run your spotify or whatever you have to stream music through this thing: https://receiptify.herokuapp.com/

i guess most people just share last month but i have spotify and last.fm and i like to overshare data so you’re getting it all oops. spotify first

i’m pretty sure i only listened to #10 twice? but the rest make sense. where’s newjeans though i was definitely listening to them

oh wow that’s just embarrassing

now artists!

son lux is only on there because i listened to the everything everywhere all at once soundtrack and there were a lot of songs on it. and i only listened to youngboy’s album one time? but the rest is probably accurate

i listened to so much all time low before i heard about the jack barakat stuff :/

now genres!

i am also assuming escape room art pop and boom bap have something to do with the everything everywhere all at once soundtrack because i have no idea what those are

now...”stats”

sorry every time i just see random numbers without units i just think about this

anyway...now lastfm!

oh look at that an opportunity for me to plug the greng jai piece! if you want the ability to pretend you don’t have mental illness for 30 minutes this is the album for you

yeah so...indigo and i have developed a very special relationship over the past few weeks...like i said before i have been Going Through It™

okay so just to put this in perspective, rattlesnake was my second most listened to song during ALL of 2022. it came out in january of last year. indigo has only been out for TWO MONTHS. and still life is tied.

tagging in case any of these games interest you, no pressure: @courtthisdisaster​​, @cheekyquokka​​, @mutedstring​​, @joon-rkive​​, @sugaggukkie​​

[ghostmoon1]

Love at First Sight || Part Three

I'm absolutely loving this series, and by the looks of it you all are as well! I have a few more ideas to do for this main part, then I'll possibly break it up into some smaller stories. I also plan on doing art on this ship as I get better at drawing. Also, I'd be happy to make a taglist of anyone wants to be a part of that for this fic and the mini stories connected to it! I wasn't expecting people to like it so much, but since yall do my tag list is open!

Soap x Florence (OC)

PART TWO || PART FOUR

Summary: The date hasn't exactly gone as planned. Because of this, feelings have been discovered. Only problem is, are the feelings mutual?

Word Count: 2071

Warnings: Nothing much, again. Maybe a lil mental breakdown and crying. Mentions of accident (amputation)

He stood there in silence. Such painful silence. She wanted to scream at him to say something. Anything. Anything would be better than this silence. Why wasn't he saying anything? Was he trying to think of a way to tell him that he didn't feel the same, or that this was all a sick joke? Maybe he didn't like her like she likes him. He was kind, he made her feel like she was an actual human being and not a toy, to play with once then throw at the wall and forget about for months. Toys grow dust, they rust, they slowly break down until nothing is left besides a broken mess. Maybe that would happen to her again. Maybe he really was like the rest of them-

“Lass. I’m so glad you do.”

What?

“What?-”

He chuckles and cradles her face in his hands, looking directly into her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes, it felt like they catched her poor soul, cradling it back to health. She focused on his rough fingertips surrounding her face. These war-torn hands have probably taken so many lives. More than she could ever imagine. But they feel as if they are giving her life. They felt warm and comforting, not something you’d expect from a trained killer.

“Lass, I think I fell in love with you from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

The world just stops. Her breath hitches in her throat. Love? Her? But…that's not possible, right? No one has before, why now? She could feel the warmth flooding her cheeks. The words kept replaying in her head. In love with me from the moment I laid eyes on you… in love… the moment he laid eyes on me…

Was this… real?

“W-what?” she managed to choke out, her expression portrayed as pure shock and surprise. “Really? This… isn't some sort of joke?”

His expression softens instantly. “A joke? No lass, I’m telling yer’ the truth,” John says as his thumb trails over her jawline once more. He notices the tears building up in her eyes again. “Lass, what sick bastard would make you think those sorts of things for every man you’ve been with…?”

The tears begin to fall. Of course, she didn't want to be crying in front of her date. Especially their first date none the less. But this was too much. He actually cared. He was different. 

The tears were warm, sliding down her face and onto John’s hands. The tears stung, making it painful to even keep her eyes open. 

“Oh lass don’t cry, you're okay… it’s gonna’ be okay…” he coos softly, moving his arms around her back and pulling her into his chest. She melts instantly, letting her head fall into his chest and staining his shirt with tears.

It was comforting. Much needed comfort. The soft fabric tickled her ear, the warmth softly radiating from his chest, the way his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath, his heartbeat seeming to echo through his chest. She could feel everything. It was like this spot was just made for her. Her little place to rest. 

She lets the clouded thoughts slowly escape her mind. He was her safe place now.

“That's it lass… breathe..” John whispers soothingly, letting his hand run through her hair. “How about… we go for a walk before we go back inside?”

“Hm… okay that sounds okay…” she replies, looking down to study her dress. It was a wreck.

John hums in thought, before grabbing his jacket off his shoulders and draping it around her. “Here… lemme, lass?” he says softly. 

She nods and he helps thread her arms through the sleeves, bunching it up at her wrists because of its large size. The warmth immediately surrounds her, his body heat transferring from the jacket to her skin, calming down her goose-bumps. He grins, his teeth shining past his lips. “Much better, innit it lass?”

“Yeah… thank you,” she says, hugging the jacket tighter to herself. 

“Lets go lass, calm those nerves down of yours”

He says, his charming smile still plastered on his face. Does it ever leave?

He takes her hand, calloused fingers against her soft and smooth ones. Her heart flutters. Was this normal? To feel so in love after not even a full date? They were really only half way through the date, and she felt absolutely head over heels for this man. Mohawk and all.

He gently tugs her down the footpath, crossing the road and to the park down the block. He naturally had long strides, probably something he picked up from his job. He notices how she had to hurry her steps to keep up with him, his expression softening further and slowly down slightly. 

He couldn't be so fast. He had to take it slow. Both literally and metaphorically. He wasn't used to such slow and calming walks. What he was used to was the fast paced action of the military. Now that job never slowed, if it were being deployed, training, and of course everyone's least favourite things, the paperwork. His team made it bearable, they were his family. They had to be so close. You can't be on the battlefield, fighting for someone’s life when you don't even trust them. He probably trusted them more than his actual family, although he wouldn't dare say that to their faces. His mother would pull his ear until he gave them the most full-hearted apology in existence. Speaking of his mother… he had to call her, before she hunted him down. That woman can be scary when she wants to be.

The darkness of the night stretched out in front of them, the light from the street lights softly illuminating their path. Florence let out a sigh, like she just had to breathe all of her feelings out. They still felt heavy, like a brick resting on her chest. But it felt as if he helped chip away at that feeling.

John noticed her sigh and had to hide a small smile. “Feeling any better now, Lass?”

“Yeah. I used to go on walks with my family. We… don't do it anymore,” she replies, rubbing her arm slightly.

He watches her movements and frowns slightly. There was more to this story he didn’t know. But he shouldn’t push it… right? It’s not his place to ask, not unless she shares it with him. But oh, how much he wanted to know what had happened. Maybe she lost contact, a fight? There was worse he thought of but prayed that wasn’t it, for her sake.

“Since my dad… lost his leg. We couldn't do it as a family, mum found it too hard to do it without him,” she continues, her eyes focusing on the ground. He could see the pain, the old feelings and hurt bubbling to the surface. She trusted him enough for her to open up like this.

“That’s horrible Lass…” his voice full of empathy, giving her hand a little squeeze. He sighs before continuing, “May I ask… how?”

Florence nods, her eyes narrowing slightly. “He was a construction worker, building a hotel. The cables weren;t tied properly, ones holding some pipes. Cables snapped… he was unlucky enough to be in the way of them. Shattered his whole leg. It was a bloody mess… they had to amputate it, there was nothing else that could be done.”

His eyes widen as he listens, his grip subconsciously getting tighter on her hand. Her eyes looked to be glazed over in thought, staring off at the ground. “I’m so sorry lass…” is all he can say. What else does he say? How can he comfort her? 

“It’s okay. It happened a few years back, we’re all doing well besides that. He’s his old self again.”

He nods, letting a comfortable silence fall between them. There was so much he didn't know about her. By the sounds of it, she’s gone through a lot and possibly much more that he hasn't even tapped at the surface of. 

The footpaths stretched on beyond the park, curling around buildings and into alleyways. He stops once they reach the end of the park, the lush grass becoming cold and hard concrete. The man-made jungle of the city. 

“How about we get back, and have that dinner, lass?”

She nods, a small smile creeping on her lips once more. Hugging his jacket closer, and letting his scent fill her nose. 

He led her back through the park and into the restaurant, their table now cleaned from the previous encounter. They get served their food (Now with another waiter, the first one was far too embarrassed by her mistake). They make small talk, tell stories, jokes, and learn about one another. John’s voice felt like an anchor, helping her feel grounded. She felt as if he really were interested in her. Maybe for once it’ll work out. What if he’s the one?

After their dinner, he walks her out to her car, hand in hand. “Thank you for that, lass. It was amazing,” he states, his charming smile still on his face. It might as well be permanently carved there. She thinks she hasn't seen another emotion on his face besides that.

“It was really nice. Thank you, for not bailing on me,” she replies, a sheepish smile spreading across her lips and bleeding out into her cheeks, her dimples catching his eyes.

“Of course! Any bloke who bails out on a sweet thing like yer’self, is a bloody dumbass!”

A giggle escapes her lips, pure, genuine laughter. God it’s been a while since I’ve laughed like that…

He grins as he listens to the sound of her laughter fill his ears. It was such a beautiful sound, so sweet, so pure, so innocent. It filled his heart with this warm, fuzzy feeling. Maybe he was too far in already. But he couldn't care, she was with him. She liked him too. But was it too quick?

He sighs, giving her hands a small and gentle squeeze. “I better let yer get home, huh?”

She smiles and gives his hands a squeeze in return. “I suppose so.”

Another small silence falls between them. It wasn’t exactly awkward, but he wished he had more to say. “Well, see you soon then lass?”

“Yeah, bye. Enjoy the rest of your night, Johnny.”

He watches as she gets in her car, turning the key to the engine and the engine purring to life. Enjoy the rest of your night… Johnny. The car soon drives away, down the road and out of sight. Johnny.

She called him Johnny. Johnny. It was pure bliss, hearing that one word roll of her tongue. So sweet and wonderful. It made his heart swell, it was going to burst from his chest. He makes his way to his own car, half dazed and lost in thought as the word continues to repeat itself in his mind. Johnny. 

His drive back to base went by in a blur, his mind focusing on that name. Johnny. He walks back to his barracks, passing the rec room, not noticing Simon’s large form standing in front of the fridge. “Johnny, watch your step. You look like you're about to run into a wall if you keep zoning out like that.”

He pauses and steps back into the rec room. “I ain’t zoning out… your. Imagining things.”

Simon just huffs and rolls his eyes as he turns to face John, his mask bunched up above his nose and a beer bottle in hand. “I know that look. What happened on the date?”

John sighs and flops down onto the couch, a dazed and dreamy expression on his face. “She called me Johnny.”

“Seriously?”

“What?”

Simon raises his eyebrows at him. “You're seriously so dazed, because this chick called you Johnny? I call you johnny on the daily, and your not acting like a love struck puppy with me”

He snorts and playfully slaps his arm as he joins him on the couch. “Cause’ you ain’t a cute chick!”

Simon shakes his head and brings the beer bottle to his lips. “Damn right.”

John stares out at the rest of the rec room as Simon drinks his beer. “Y’know what L.T?”

Simon tilts his head slightly, questioning him silently.

“I think I wanna’ marry this lass one day…”

[dancingadopteethoughts]

*Important!!* “What to Expect from This Blog”

Blog Background:

I originally created this blog to share my adoptee-related writing and while I still post my adoptee-related writing here, what I reblog and post has developed over time, so in this post, I hope to clarify what potential viewers can expect from this blog

I am an adult and will occasionally be posting things related to adulthood and adult themes

What I will be posting:

Check out my Tags Masterlist to see a breakdown of my tagging system

As I stated above, this blog was originally created to share my adoptee writings, so you can expect posts that include essays, book reviews, fanfiction, short stories, short screenplays, and poems I have written that will touch upon topics of mental health, family, racial and gender identity, and more and how they relate to adoptee experiences

On this blog, my reblogs and non-adoptee writing posts will relate to culture and adoptee experiences (with culture being defined in the broadest sense and relating to common attitudes, practices, and beliefs among certain groups of people) and these posts will touch on topics such as racism, attitudes towards family, and cultural significance of art

All of my posts and reblogs, unless I have tagged them otherwise as NSFW (not-safe-for-work), will be non-graphic and/or SFW (safe-for-work) besides the occasional swearing

I will occasionally reblog and post things related to current events and politics as a left-leaning person, so if that makes you feel uncomfortable, you are welcome to block me

At the same time, please don't take my occasional reblogs/posts on current events/politics to be representative of everything I am doing or believe regarding a particular issue; of course, I'm not perfect and I have my blindspots, but I have a life outside of Tumblr and if I reblog/post something about a particular topic here, it does not mean that I am ignoring other issues or not doing other things to support particular movements in my life outside of Tumblr

I like talking about my identity, particularly as an adoptee, as such, you can expect some content on that topic; once again, if that makes you uncomfortable, I do not mind if you block me

Notes about NSFW tagging:

On this blog, I will tag posts NSFW if they describe or show sex, violence, gore, severe wounds, nudity, slurs, and pornography in extremely graphic detail

For me, non-graphic means that posts can still mention directly or indirectly any of the above as long as it is not shown/described in extreme detail, so I still encourage you to block me if you feel uncomfortable

Just because I tagged something NSFW does not mean I believe the original post to be bad; I am just protecting potential viewers who may be coming to my blog with histories and backgrounds I have no idea about

If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions regarding how I tag NSFW content, please DM me or send me an ask; I am happy to discuss and listen

What I would appreciate from viewers:

Please do not repost my essays, book reviews, fanfiction, short stories, short screenplays, and poems without permission to other sites or copy and paste them into a separate Tumblr post; you are, of course, welcome and encouraged to reblog, comment on, and like them though if you choose to

If you’re confused about something I wrote, shared, or reblogged, I encourage you to DM me or send me an ask; I am always happy to clarify and listen to concerns made in good faith

This should go without saying, but you don’t have to agree with me; it’s okay to comment on and/or reblog my posts with counter-arguments, ignore a post I wrote/reblogged, or, as stated above, reach out to me for clarification because like everyone else in this world, I’m not perfect and I am always happy to learn from different perspectives

On that note, if you are arguing with me that people of certain races, ethnicities, gender identities, sexual/romantic orientations, religions, etc. don’t deserve to exist, be respected, or fight for their liberation or rights without any intention of listening to and learning from the perspectives of people from marginalized backgrounds, then I will not engage in dialogue with you; in other words, racism, xenophobia, sexism, anti-trans bigotry, ableism, classism, colorism, or any other form of bigotry will not be tolerated

Critical thinking is so important to me and I completely believe you do not need a college degree to take a few moments and think through context, emotions, evidence, etc. to make a strong argument and critique others’ (including mine!!)

Another thing that should go without saying is that you are welcome to block me if any of my posts make you uncomfortable; I don’t know your history and background and while I try to be sensitive in what I post and reblog, I know I’ll make mistakes without realizing it, so please do what you have to in order to protect yourself